Buffalo Bills Offseason Overhaul

[Minnow]

The sun rises upon Buffalo, New York. The sound of work whistles fill the industrial parks at 5AM, signaling that a new day welcomes them. 

Like the work whistles, coaches' whistles fill the empty stadium of Orchard Park creating a echoing presence that can be felt throughout the town. The presence of a new season. 

Accountants inside of the Orchard Park complex have been busy this offseason, in the no air conditioned building, moisture builds against the windows from the heat. The cold outdoors and multiple feet of snow outside created the opportunity for employees to spend the night at work. Hard work is felt throughout the building. Many sleepless nights and long days culminated in an improved Buffalo Bills squad that will make a splash against the toughest of opponents. 

This offseason welcomed the addition of 4 new players through trades and free agency.  WR Brian Adams whose veteran presence will help guide the young bushy-eyed talent in the receiving corps, whose production will help give weapons to the 2nd year QB in Yusei Asencio. Despite having one of the most talented offensive lines in all of the NFL Yusei comes off a season seeing constant pressure and sacks. The reason? Lack of receiving, made Yusei hold the ball for longer in hopes that a receiver opened up. The acquisition of Adams instantly gives a weapon to Yusei who outside of Donald Kelly saw little action. This comes as teams traded high value picks for talent as Carolina emptied their wallets in free agency, making teams like the Bills have to give up on Steven Kapfhammer early. Lack of failure on the bid of Paul Caruso led them to trade away long time player, Daniel Astudillo to the Washington Commanders for younger OT Ron Cubbage. Cubbage will start at Left Guard this season. Despite the Bills not opening the wallet they still saw competition for trades, negotiations to get an OLB for a mid-round pick fell through, as another team swooped in to finalize the deal. This was one of the goals for Buffalo this offseason, Strengthen the OLBs. Buffalo when dealing Astudillo hoped to get draft stock originally, but many teams did not to trade draft picks, and those who want to already did last year.  This has left a void for teams like the Bills who have talent and want draft picks, but teams that do not want to part with those draft picks. With the offseason not going to plan the Bills are still satisfied with the results.   

MANDATORY EDIT TO INCLUDE OUR TE WHO WE LOVE.

Over in the corner of the office the 6'4" 220 pound TE Jan Summers is welcomed by a committee of office employees who are required to be there. The signing of the TE is one of the less exciting signings, but Buffalo did beat out another team to get him so there's that. his contract is around $21 million half guaranteed over the next three years. Summers celebrated his massive contract by hosting a block party in his hometown of Dallas, Georgia. 

The Bills moved on, looking to improve another struggling spot in their team. Punters and Kickers. The Bills cut their drafted punter after he struggled to compete against Adrian Johnson. With the aging Johnson regressing in his talent, moves had to be made to bring in someone new. The Bills paid a mighty price for FA punter Daniel Schlabach whose talent garnered the attention of 3 other teams and will be a vast improvement overall. FA kickers were not pursued as much as punters, the mandatory minimum of pre-draft contacts having a value of .7 million or greater makes it hard to justify a kicker who is only worth a league minimum due to the abundance of talent each year. The only team who could justify that kind of investment was the Bills. The Bills last season brought in 2 rookie kickers both of which progressed less than desired. It was for this reason the Bills found it necessary to bring in the top kicker in free agency Francis Barmore. Barmore's talent is only suited for Buffalo as his low overall does not draw the attention of 99% of teams in the NFL, but hey this is Buffalo we are talking about. They are not Most Teams. The justification of spending a guaranteed .71 million dollars on a guy that is only worth a 7th round pick in a trade is baffling in retrospect, but they did it. It is somehow still an improvement over last years kicker.    

Over the following weeks of Free Agency the holes left in walls from angry administrative staff have declined with each week. At the end of free agency the office is in disarray. Phones beep from being left off the hook, a half eaten pizza sits out on the counter for weeks gathering dust. The song "Misery" by Maroon 5 faintly plays over Brad's workstation in the corner. Brad took his PTO and forgot to shut down his computer. The janitors have a lot of cleanup and repairs to make. Numerous florescent light bulbs have left the beige cubicles look dingy and grimly lit. The plants are in desperate need of water and sun. Everyone is excited for Easter as it means not spending another waking minute in this office complex. As people leave for the day, the 6pm industrial park whistle tell it's time to go home. One light is left on, the light that shines solely on a banner that reads

"One year we will win it all." 

Edited April 3, 2023 by Minnow

[Rocketcan]

1 hour ago, Minnow said:

The Bills paid a mighty price for FA punter Daniel Schlabach

Bastards

[Minnow]

Shit I forgot about our TE Jan Summers

 

[subsequent]

15 hours ago, Minnow said:

Shit I forgot about our TE Jan Summers

 

I fought tooth and nail to try to get Summers and you put him in as a footnote hahahaha