Riots Erupt in Philadelphia As New Sixer's GM Utters Forbidden Words In Introductory Press Conference

[Rocketcan]

 

By Tommy Twofingers,

Sixers Beat Reporter

(Philadelphia, PA) - Philadelphia 76ers newest General Manager, Rocketcan, stepped up to the podium just like every man who had held the position before him had. He would not leave it like every other had, however. After the owner had issued some words about "the fans" and "the city", he turned it over to Rocketcan who strolled up to the microphone, pushed his glasses up his nose, and leaned in. The reporters lean in unconsciously in response.

 

"I'd like to thank Philadelphia for this opportunity, I will keep this short, so I have summed up my concept for the Sixers moving forward..." The reporters leaned in further, hanging on every word.

 

"Trust..."

 

 

All typing and camera shutters cease. The reporters fall silent. Across the city, citizens freeze, then stare at televisions broadcasting the press conference.

 

"The..."

 

 

Pens drop from limp, seemingly lifeless hands. Gasps fill the room. A cameraman faints. Bars and restaurants throughout the city cease activity. Cars stop, causing several pileups as drivers listen on their radios. The eyes and ears of one and a half million people are on this bespectacled nerd.

 

"Process"

 

 

Shrieks of disbelief and horror tear through the room. One reporter begins cussing at the four-eyed man, going so far as to throw his shoe at him. All across the city, men punch through several layers of drywall, women wail in their driveways, children cry out for comfort. Millions of voices crying out at once.

 

Rocketcan, confused as to what he had done, was escorted from the premises. It is rumored that the Sixers want to be active in the trade market.