2021 Bundy's SERIAL STATS Week 0 Edition

[Bundy]

SERIAL STATS

Week 0 Edition: If You Ain't First, You're 0th

made possible in part by

Cereal Organization of Central Kamsas, start every day with a balanced breakfast of Kansas Cereal Grains

The University of Kansas School of Education, titling weekly media with good grammar

and from contributions to your PBS station from PBS Kids like you. Thank You!

I've been playing around for a few days trying to figure out what I want this series to be. Like any good regular series, that means it definitely is going to be a hit, and not get canceled by episode 3 due to lack of creative enthusiasm and low ratings. Right? Right???!!!

 

Well prepare yourselves for the SFA Variety Show you didn't think you needed. You probably didn't need it, but you're still be subjected to it anyway.

 

I think the longterm plan is to recap the nation's top performances into one quick summary that you can read if you couldn't quite stay up to the end of PAC 12 After Dark, but today's edition of SERIAL STATS highlights the games from the inaugural weekend of SFA CFB.

 

TRIVIA TIME! Did you know there are estimated to be as many as 50 active serial killers in this country right now? Well in the 1980s there were an estimated 200 active at any given time per worldatlas.com, though numbers may have dipped into the single digits by 2019 per a Florida Gulf Coast U study. Bundy, what does all of that have to do with trivia? That's a good question. that has a relevant answer. See, right now we're elated to know all of the different performances we saw on opening kickoff weekend, but in 20-30 years, its likely only a lasting few will still be noteworthy. So when you're removed from the game of gridiron and spending your middle aged life going to trivia nights, you're going to be well prepared to be smug to your friends with our little segment here.

 

FIRST EVER KICKOFF: Notre Dame K Ronald Baker and West Virginia K Alfredo Noonan each kicked off to start the inaugural timeslot, on FOX's Big Noon Saturday.

FIRST EVER KICK RETURN: Michigan RB Vinny Despaigne fielded his Ronald Baker kickoff at the 4 yard line. Noonan's kick went into the end zone, therefore unless an elite physicist comes in and tells me Noonan had more velocity on his deeper kick, Despaigne is getting credited for being the first to receive a kickoff, likely by milliseconds.

FIRST EVER TACKLE: West Virginia FB Patrick Nuno, who wrestled down Washington State's T.J. Suggs on the opening kickoff. Yes, an offensive player made the first ever tackle, and yes, West Virginia managed to make the first ever tackle despite Notre Dames kick being fielded first, because Despaigne ran out of bounds instead of being tackled.

FIRST EVER BALL CARRIED: Washington State opened their game handing the ball to RB Chris Tilson. Meanwhile, on the western side of the eastern time zone, Michigan dropped back to pass, creating two new categories for us:

FIRST EVER PASS ATTEMPTED: Michigan's Jonnu Newton, who completed his pass to

FIRST EVER RECEPTION/PASS COMPLETION: Michigan TE Zack Leyba.

FIRST EVER TACKLE BY A DEFENSIVE PLAYER: West Virginia DT Jeurys Rogers. Rogers brought Washington State's Chris Tilson down for no gain.

 

Across the eastern time zone, Notre Dame's Peter Barrera laid a nasty hit on first-catcher Leyba,

FIRST EVER FORCED FUMBLE: which caused the first ever forced fumble, on the opening play from scrimmage for Michigan. Fortunately Despaigne was there to hop on it, preventing the first ever turnover.

FIRST EVER QB RUSH ATTEMPT: Jonnu Newton carried for 3 yards on Michigans 2nd down play.

FIRST EVER INCOMPLETION: hilariously, we didn't have to wait long for the first ever turnover, as Notre Dame QB K.J. Baumann failed to connect on a pass to WR Ryan Milton, getting picked off by

FIRST EVER FORCED TURNOVER: Michigan CB Greg Carter on Notre Dame's 2nd play from scrimmage.

FIRST PASS COMPLETION OF 20+ YARDS: WVU QB Logan Gabriel connected with tight end Xavier Garcia for 26 at the 11:40 mark in the 1st quarter. Meanwhile in Indiana,

FIRST EVER RUSH OF 10+ YARDS: Vinny Despaigne continued to make his mark on the unerasable history book of firsts, galloping for precisely 10.

FIRST EVER COMPLETION OF 50+ YARDS: Logan Gabriel's mark for longest pass ever wouldn't stand long, as Michigan and Jonnu Newton went up top to WR Darius Autry for 53 yards.

FIRST EVER TOUCHDOWN: at the 9:55 mark, West Virginia RB Pasoni Adames scooted in from 21 yards out, which set up the

FIRST EVER PAT: by WVU kicker Alfredo Noonan.

FIRST EVER FIELD GOAL: Michigan K Troymaine Grant booted a "gimmee" field goal in during the WVU-WAZZU touchdown commercial break.

FIRST EVER SITE SERIAL KILLER: well I'm not too sure who to place bets on, but at this point it could be any reader who has made it this far, since I'm sure you're all wondering just how far I can stretch the "first ever" records.

 

I have a more serious piece I've been working on, but it's not quite finished and I don't think I'll be around this weekend to post it. So while this might be the end of Week 0 Edition, look forward to some Bonus Bundy in the near future. And in the meantime, give love to your family and friends. -Bundy

[Rocketcan]

It's amazing that the first ever pass completed in site history was then immediately fumbled, and that the first incompletion for ND was an interception. I'm gonna definitely hang onto that for a few years, lol.

[TuscanSota]

FIRST EVER TACKLE BY A DEFENSIVE PLAYER: West Virginia DT Jeurys Rogers. Rogers brought Washington State's Chris Tilson down for no gain.

 

My gameplan in a nutshell

[Nittany Boiler]

FIRST EVER SITE SERIAL KILLER: Captain Crunch, no, he was a cereal killer. Edited June 25, 2021 by Nittany Boiler