Tennessee Staff Successfully Names QB1

[tsweezy]

 

Knoxville, TN -

 

News came out of the Anderson Training Center this afternoon where coach Tsweezy announced the starting QB for this season:

 

Hello everyone and thanks for stopping by to watch this preseason's open practice. There's a lot to say about this team and I'm extremely excited for the season. To clear things up, we have wrapped up a very long and grueling QB battle for the upcoming season. Stevie Ryan has been our QB for a long time, but this year Cedric Marsh just brought an A-game that we haven't seen before. I'm not sure what this young man has been up to in the offseason but it has paid off as he has looked phenomenal and won the trust of both his coaches and teammates, and we are thrilled to name him our starter for this season.

 

HOWEVER, I want to make it very clear that Stevie still has our full support and we think he is a great player in his own right who has contributed so much to the program in his time here. Furthermore, he has handled the situation with aplomb, and thrown his support behind Cedric as well. Moreover, we think he does still have a contributing role for us on the field. We have taken some advance time to scout out our schedule and we think there are 2-3 games where his skill set may frankly be more appropriate. We are planning on taking the bold step of allowing him to be internally named our starter for those games and he will be preparing the whole season for those opponents, as well as carrying out the standard backup duties. We understand this is a big load for anyone to handle, but Stevie is more than up to the task. Which teams are those you may ask? Well we aren't going to be that forthcoming.

 

In any case, we hope that going forward we can put our full focus on the season and try to bring home an SEC East title to Rocky Top.

At this point we may take some questions if asked, although if you're from a conference opponent we'll probably just make something up for misdirection.

[subsequent]

I'm not sure what this young man has been up to in the offseason but

 

"Coach Tsweezy reportedly nowhere near practice facilities this offseason. Who has been running practices? Is Coach Tsweezy on his way out?"

[Sarge]

"Coach Tsweezy reportedly starting the anti-Georgia propaganda train in lieu of conducting practices and being present for meetings. Some say he may be interested in and more suited for a public relations role instead of coaching."